#21: Reflections before a big life change

Things I've been thinking about ahead of a big life change (sharing the news next week!), 5 months of this newsletter, and what's ahead.

Today’s newsletter is a shorter, personal snapshot in time, ahead of a big shift ahead. Weekly REPORT is packed with more goods this week!

I’m mostly a creature of habit (but with a proclivity to have sudden, urgent needs for novelty— like any true Libra, I need a balance), therefore, my day-to-day often looks somewhat similar. Because of this, it’s easy to let myself slip into thinking that not much has transpired in my life lately.

In early spring of 2022, we bought our home in California and moved across the country (after 14 years in NYC for me). Not long before that, the pandemic thrust me into working in content creation full-time, after working as a personal trainer and nutrition coach for nearly a decade. Around the same time, I started experiencing symptoms of Endometriosis, which completely changed my quality of life and my capacity for pursuing goals in my career and personal development. After moving to California, I got to check off a huge bucket-list item of taking my mom back to her homeland in Korea, Justin and I got engaged, planned a wedding, got married (city-hall and upstate!) — all in less than a year. In between all of that, we had friends weddings, babies being born in our circle, visits to family, visits from family, and lots of other shifts. Then I finally got my long-awaited Endo excision surgery (that would have costed $100k without insurance), after 3+ years of insurance denials and chronic pain.

So, clearly, life has been anything but “uneventful,” as I have a tendency to think of it as.

25 issues of this newsletter later, I’m in the midst of another massive life change (that I’ll FINALLY be able to share more about in next week’s issue— and you can watch all the behind the scenes here, starting then!!), but this one has been unearthing a lot of previously dormant feelings.

As what has been the case with most of my past big life transitions, I’ve been experiencing a bout of insomnia lately. My mind decides to start whirring the minute my head hits the pillow; not only with to-do lists of the countless tasks to be done and deadlines to meet during this process, but also with larger, macro-level reflections on my life paths and what has culminated to bring me to this point.

I’ve been beating myself up a lot lately for putting my personal needs and work aspirations on the lowest rung of the ladder recently, because of my prioritization of our family’s needs and setting the framework for the future we’re hoping to build over the coming years. There are so many projects and developments for existing projects (like this newsletter) that I’ve been hungry to dive into, but I haven’t been able to tackle. And rather than being able to simply accept that there are indeed seasons of life with different priorities (which, I have rationally done in my brain), I’ve realized that I’ve emotionally been fixated on trying to reconcile the things I haven’t been able to accomplish— leaving me to zero in on all the things I haven’t been able to do, rather than celebrating what I have done. I know this is a shared commonality amongst us, Type-A high-achieving personality types, so I know I’m not alone in doing this.

This process that we’re going through right now with this major life decision has been anything but simple. My nervous system has felt shoddy this past month, there have been lots of tears and gutteral screams while alone in the car (channeling my inner Claire Danes in that epic scene from Fleishman is in Trouble), and a lot of wondering / hoping this was a decision that will feel right for us down the road.

I feel anything but graceful in how I’ve been trudging through this time period. Going into this all, I had told Justin I was determined to remain as unruffled as possible, which turned out to truly be one of those “make plans and the gods laugh,” lessons playing out IRL. It’s been humbling, and reminded me that no matter how well you plan and execute sometimes, there are factors that will always be out of your control and it’s better to just accept that chaos for what it is, rather than trying to still the choppy waters. This next month is also full of transition, but I am starting to feel optimistic about the light at the end of the tunnel, and all the plans I have for this newsletter ahead— so stay tuned!

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What I’m currently Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending, and Thinking About

Taylor Swift and the Good Girl Trap

I loved

Anne Helen Petersen

’s post this week about Taylor Swift and the Good Girl Trap. Taylor Swift, her effect on society and capitalism, and her success as an artist are all truly a fascinating case study— whether you’re a fan or not, it’s hard to argue with her cultural impact. But what is truly interesting to me about it all, is society’s reaction to her every move and our obsession with policing this billionaire. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually pro-private jet flight tracker guy (it’s already public information, disseminated 24 hours following her travel— so I personally don’t think safety is the main concern here) and calling a spade a spade when she is selectively vocal about the intersectionality of feminism and politics. But going nuts over things like not giving Celine Dion a hug (how many of us have had a brainfart at a social gathering and mentally kicked ourselves later for a human snafu) is bewildering to me. Thoughts on this??!!

I also started a Fourth Wing re-read, because Justin finished it and moved onto Iron Flame — and now I’m onto the sequel again. My current streak of re-reads have truly been bringing some much-needed joy into my life lately— especially with series, it’s really so satisfying to pick up on all the little details and clues you missed out on the first go-around!

All I’ve been wanting lately are Asian comfort meals— namely, Pho. We got Vietnamese takeout the other night, and I ordered an extra serving of the pho broth just so I could prolong my pho affair. I really need to learn how to make the broth at home though, so I bookmarked one of my favorite food Tiktoker’s tutorials here:

@gaming_foodieBEEF PHO- STOVE TOP This is a much more complicated pho recipe. I made a lot cause family was in town. If you want a simplified broth recipe, let me know =) 7.5 lbs beef bones 1.5 lbs beef brisket 2 lbs beef shank 4.5 lbs beef ribs 1.5 oz bag old man pho spice bag* 2 or 3 rock sugar, the size of a golf ball each 2 large onions 2 large ginger 1.5 TBSP sauce 10 quarts water ADDITIONAL SEASONING 1/2 cup fish sauce 2 TBSP chicken bouillon TOPPINGS: Onion, thinly sliced Cilantro, chopped Scallion, chopped Culantro Basil Bean sprouts Beef shank, thinly sliced Beef brisket, thinly sliced Beef ribs 1. We need to par-boil/ blanch our beef. In a large stock pot, fill it with beef bones, beef brisket, beef shank and beef ribs. Fill the pot with water and bring it over high heat. Bring to boil and let it cook for 5-10 mins. There will be scum that floats to the top. After 5-10 mins, turn off heat, rinse and drain beef under cold water. 2. While you ur beefs were blanching, prepare your aromatics. Peel your onion. Slice your ginger in half and char them. (Note: You can do it on an open fire, air fryer or broiler. I had mine broiling for 10 mins each side) 3. oast ur spices on a dry skillet. This should not take long… 3-5 mins. Place your spice into the bag it comes with and set this aside. 4. In a clean large stock pot, fill it back with your blanched beef bones, beef brisket, beef shank and beef ribs along with your charred onions, charred ginger, rock sugar, salt and 10 quarts of water. Bring this to a boil. Once boiling. Reduce heat and cook for at least 7 hours. 5. After 2 or 3 hours, remove your beef shank, beef brisket and beef ribs. Place into an ice bath Fill your pot with water as needed. Allow you brisket and shank to cool before thinly slicing. (Note:I only fill it up with water1-2 times. I fill it up with water after taking out the beef shank, brisket and ribs. And the second time I fill back up with water is around the 5 or 6 hour mark of simmering.) 6. When there is 30-60 mins left of your simmering process, I like to add my spice bag. You may add your spice longer if you’d like. My parents don’t like pho with a strong spice so I limit to 30-60 mins. 7. After a total of 7 hours of simmering, remove everything in side— spice bag, onions, ginger, and beef bones. 8. Pour your broth thru a fine strainer. Allow broth to cool before placing into the fridge. The fat on top of your broth will harden, remove this. I actually left mine outside because it’s really cold rn and had the fat harden that way. Return broth back to stove and season to preference. I seasoned with 1/2 cup fish sauce and 2 TBSP chicken bouillon. 9. Assemble your bowl with your preferred toppings and ladle your broth over. Make sure your broth is boiling when you ladle it into your bowl. I have a video on how to do this posted before this one =)

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For television, we’re still on our Suits rewatch (please watch this amazing e.l.f. Cosmetics Super Bowl ad with some of the cast in a *Judge Judy* take), and the only other streaming I’m consuming at the moment is The Bachelor (not only is this man is the best bachelor yet, but this is also the first time that I feel like the majority of women cast are really cool?? Minus the self-victimization girl.). Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the new show on Prime, is getting rave reviews from my friends, so that’s next up on my list!

While in a terrible relationship nearly a decade ago, I became fascinated with the Gottman approach to couples therapy, after discovering Drs. Julie + John Gottman’s Bids for Connection theory (now repackaged on TikTok as the “bird theory”), and learning about their Four Horsemen categorization in couples conflict. Then funnily enough, the couples therapist J and I worked with last year before our wedding was a big proponent of the Gottman approach, and we learned even more about their work through some of their books— all really insightful and fruitful. They recently did an interview on this podcast episode about conflict, that I bookmarked for us to listen to when we travel next week! I also recommend this sweet piece on their marriage, here.

Couple of glorious watches for you that brought some levity and cathartic feels this week:

It’s dry, flaky scalp season, and this scalp scrub has (begrudgingly) been in regular rotation for me, over the last 3 years— and while I don’t love the brand, there hasn’t been another scalp scrub I’ve tried that is this effective for me. It’s a steep buy up-front ($55!), but it’s a huge tub and 1 lasts me an entire year, since you need so little at a time for a glorious lather.

The parents that don’t have child care, but work full-time. The benefits of thinking of your life as seasons, particularly to get you through sudden upheaval. How wasting time is… productive? My brain was exploding in fireworks while reading this story on a business of college consultants for children of the ultra-wealthy.

Loving this newsletter? I’d be forever grateful if you spread the word! Questions, feedback, thoughts, requests for what you want to hear about in here— just reply to this email to share it all with me. ‘Til next Thursday, take care of your bodies ❤️ Minna

#20: Loud Budgeting and Other Things I Do for Financial Wellness

#19: A Case for Hours-Long Friend Dates on the Couch

#12: Why is the Baby Decision Harder Than Ever?

#6: Death and Taxes: Sexy, Morbid Things