#1: To change or not to change (your surname) that is the question

At least one that lived in my head rent-free for the past year.

I can tell you that I’ve never thought about the meaning of and my feelings towards my name this much since Kindergarten, when I asked everyone to call me Minnie (as in, *the* Mouse— we were living in Orlando, Florida, after all). Another kid had made fun of my first name (“your parents named you MEAN-a, because you’re MEAN”), and I was desperate to assimilate amongst the Katies, Elizabeths, and Sarahs in my classroom.

I grew to really love my name in full, despite all the figure skating announcers butchering my name for the entire decade of my career and people continuing to call me “Min-uh” even after correcting them multiple times that it is indeed, MEEN-Ah. My name not only felt like it tied me to my cultural heritage more, but it also, very simply, was my identity. 

With the exception of a select few K-Pop 90’s stars when I was 7 years old, the last names of my crushes never made their way into doodles of my name. I did, however, practice autographing my name a million times, just in case I became a famous actress or writer, and needed to effortlessly sharpie a small slice of me onto a glamorous black and white headshot of my face.

That being said, I was never vehemently opposed to changing my surname, should I get married (as long as my new husband’s last name wasn’t something like Cockburn or Fagina; yes, those are both real last names of people I’ve encountered). I also don’t have a middle name, so I thought it would naturally make sense to move Lee to my middle name, and adopt my husband’s last name. I fully understand and respect every perspective from a woman (I say women here, because this gender has historically defaulted to taking mens surnames in heterosexual relationships) on changing their name and whatever decision they choose to make.

But I do encourage every person to deeply think about it before making a decision, especially those faced with this decision in current times. Every iteration of a post-marital name exists now, and while I totally understand some peoples preference to do a name change to homogenize their family name for their kids, it’s not necessary or (as) burdensome of a logistical situation these days. We have more flexibility than ever before to choose what to do with our names.

This inevitable question around a name change with your nuptials pops up throughout your engagement and process of getting legally married: from friends, family, government official papers for your marriage license. Before getting engaged, J and I had lightly discussed this topic already.