#31: A Key to Evolution in Our Relationships

A mindset shift that I've been cultivating that has helped my friendships and other relationships progress, instead of being cyclical and limiting.

So excited to introduce audio narration of the essay portion of these issues— hope you enjoy!

While fidgeting in formal attire I didn’t really want to wear, I was paraded around the banquet hall by my parents. These banquet halls were often home to the rather frequent work parties my dad and his fellow entrepreneur friends had, during which all of the Korean dads would bring their wives and children and mingle. Every time I was introduced to yet another older Korean man, often smelling of cigarettes, my dad would clap his hands on my shoulders and say, “this is our 막내 (mang-nae)!” The phrase (meaning, youngest child) was usually was followed up by, the skater. Those labels would immediately identify me, and these men would chuckle and then usually went on to talk about how I’d go onto marry his youngest son.

In family gatherings with my extended family, mang-nae would often come up, sometimes affectionately, or as a way to delegate certain chores to me— or more insidiously, as a way to belittle or diminish the value of my input (the patriarchy and familial hierarchy is all too alive and toxic in Korean culture) or opinions. The culture amongst Koreans is also quite obsessive with labels, particularly around children. Kids display one trait, one time, and suddenly for the rest of their lives, they’re reminded constantly of how they inherited their father’s stubbornness, or their mother’s quirks.

Perhaps this was the root of why I’ve always hated labels. They felt suffocating, as those singular words outlined the parameters to which I was forever bound to, even as I long outgrew them; people were determined to see me through the same lens they’ve always used.

photo credit: Ideas by Jivey

Labels do exist for a reason. Our brains like to categorize; it’s biologically wired in our brains to classify and label things, in order to understand them, and to help determine our responses to those things and our environment.