#30: Am I Doing This Right?

The different rows of dance class, looking in the mirror, and wondering, "Am I doing this right?"

In dance class, there are usually about three rows of students, crowned by the instructor in the front, closest to the mirror. The first row is comprised of the most advanced students, who can help guide the newer or less advanced students in the following two rows, by simply modeling how it should be done. These are unspoken rules, but everyone knows that this is how the structure of a dance room is formed. Any time you’re not sure you’re doing something right, you just look to the person ahead of you to see if your movements are matching theirs.

Little did I realize back then, as a child in those lessons, that this is how society often defaults to moving throughout life.

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minnaleejamison

A post shared by @minnaleejamison

minnaleejamison

A post shared by @minnaleejamison

I posted this series of three captions on my 30th birthday, after a lot of reflection on what I had learned in my 20’s, about self, love, and life. It’s funny, reading it back now, 3.5 years later— I’m partially impressed by younger me, as I remember feeling so confident about these lessons learned; and the irony is, life will have you repeating and questioning these lessons a lot through new situations.

I also remember that at the time, I felt very confident in the direction I was headed in, happy with if it differed from the status quo, and little questioning of if I was doing it (life) right. I felt like I could happily step into that front row of the dance class; not because I felt perfect, but because I felt self-assured in knowing what my next steps were. Now that I’m in a new stage of life, facing a lot of open-ended questions, I find myself trying to retreat to the second or third row of dance class, to look around and see if I’m doing things correctly.

In my profession, you’re expected to pay attention to what other people are doing— it’s part of your job, to know what’s trending,`what’s resonating, and so forth. Social media consumption and stalking IS market research, for creators. And as great as I am about compartmentalizing, I do have a human brain that is susceptible to comparison, especially when being a voyeur of other people’s lives through their content is a part of my daily work checklist.

I scroll through and see these color-coordinated, tech’d out, and super ergonomic workspaces of other entrepreneurs, while I lay on my Japanese floor mattress, covered with a quilt that I specifically cheaped out on last year, as a Benny cover for the old guest bed after his spontaneous zoomies (more precisely, his rabbit claws digging in for purchase during zoomies) ended up destroying the West Elm quilt my mom had bought for me when I was 21. As I lay there with a 28lb velcro dog napping between my legs, I wonder if I’d be more successful and productive if I, too, had a color-themed work setup with a walking treadmill.