#18: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

How being a jill of all trades has made me realize some things about the parenthood decision.

Please enjoy this absurdly creepy composition of my head on this hilarious stock image. I like the chaos of it.

Since childhood, I’ve been *gifted.* A part of me really balks at typing those words; the part that had society’s definition of the humility a woman is supposed to show drilled into her. But if we’re being direct, this is my lived experience. I skipped a grade, picked up on languages very early, only needed things to be explained once before I understood a concept, was physically inclined in anything requiring dexterity or coordination, and I read abnormally fast. Putting aside my highly aggressive suspicions that I am indeed a classic case of a woman realizing later in life that she may have AuDHD, I am a person that picks up on skills quickly, has a huge variety of interests, and am a sponge for information.

Being a bookworm with a large vocabulary and an even larger propensity to talk to adults as a miniature adult, I got told, repetitively, that I should be a lawyer, because I’d be good at it. Then I got told I should take figure skating seriously, because despite starting late at 8-years-old, I accelerated through my lessons quickly. In college, I got told I should run my own business because of my leadership skills and work ethic.

The dutiful student (and people-pleaser) that I am, I gobbled up those compliments, and eagerly followed these paths as diligently as I would if I’d carved them myself; leading myself to believe that it was all my idea, and that these were my naturally-developed passions.

At some point in my twenties, I started realizing that a lot of my interests and pursuits came from being skilled or simply having the ability to accomplish them, rather than my actual attraction towards them. As I chased the fallacy of “do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life,” I wondered why I didn’t feel that I was actually doing what I wanted to do. One of the first choices I made for myself, out of a genuine sense of purpose and connection to an objective, was when I quit my PR job and decided to become certified in personal training. No one had ever suggested that for me, and frankly, everyone thought I was having a mental breakdown (this was a time when Soulcycle was just starting and the wellness industry was in its infancy— and to be fair, I was kind of having a mental breakdown, from working 90 hour weeks for a tyrant of a boss), when I announced my career change.

It was the first time in my life that the passion came first, and the skill developed as a result. It was also the first time that I realized that just because I was good at something, it didn’t mean that I should pursue it or that I’d be happy doing it.